Upper Middle Petrol Head:

       A few years ago, UMPH saw a doco in which one pundit suggested that a big, sharp spike mounted in the centre of a vehicle's steering wheel would be a very effective road safety device, his theory being that the clear and present threat of a grisly death would ensure that the driver drove sensibly and thus avoided crashing in the first place.  The expert was probably only half joking but the thought has stayed in UMPH's mind ever since.  It doesn't really matter if the spike-advocate was having a laugh, thinking laterally or was just plain mad, because his idea will never eventuate.  In fact, the safety aspect of vehicles' design and manufacture has now become one of their largest selling points and, rather than scaring motorists into driving more cautiously, the trend has been to cosset them more and more from any threat of harm through the ever-increasing use of technology.   Take, for example, Ford's new Ranger utes (or pick...

UMPH isn't sure if Cygnet's presumably eponymous Red Velvet Lounge ever actually featured such an item of furniture.  Once upon a time there was a red vinyl lounge, just inside the front doors on the left, but a velvet one ...?  It doesn't really matter, though, because t he UMPHs are long-time fans and, like many Hobartians, really felt its absence while it was being rebuilt after last November's fire.  However, they didn't rush there the minute it reopened.  It's not that they didn't want to, mind you ; they had been thinking about it for a few weeks but knew that it'd be as busy as right from the get-go.  Let's face it, it was always well patronised before the fire forced its eight month hiatus, so it was bound to be a huge hit once it reopened. So, what did they think?  They were certainly correct on the first count :  even at 2:00 o'clock on a mild-ish Saturday afternoon it was full of lunch-time diners.  Then there was a barely percept...

Many, many years ago, when UMPH was but a boy, double de-clutching was considered de rigeur for drivers with sporting aspirations (or should that be pretensions ?).  The fact that synchromesh had been well and truly invented decades earlier didn't diminish the allure of blipping the throttle on down-shifts, signalling to anyone within earshot that you really knew your stuff.  Or that's what UMPH thought, anyway.  The fact is that double de-clutching isn't really all that necessary, so long as your car's manual transmission has working synchro.  However, that's not to say that there aren't benefits to the practice and, if you own an earlier classic vehicle, it remains a skill that's pretty much essential if you don't want the ignominy of grating your gears, which will inevitably occur just when your pride and joy's attracted some admirers and you're trying to look nonchalant as you're cruising by. For the uninitiated, double de-clutching...

A sunny morning sandwiched between a faecal Saturday and the threat of an even worse Sunday afternoon saw a few hardy souls venture to Sandy Bay for August's Classics by The Beach.  It may not have been the event's biggest ever turn-out but, as usual, that didn't diminish the quality of the cars on display.  Best of British to you! Michael's Austin Healey 300 and a Mk II Jag  No wonder the Mazda MX-5 was an instant classic: pretty from every angle, paying homage to earlier classics - especially the Lotus Elan - with exquisite handling and lively performance to boot. This one's in top nick and is a real credit to its owner.  There's a fairly strong school of thought that the first model, like the one featured here, was the purest and best looking of all the MX-5s but UMPH isn't going to enter into that debate. There's something wonderfully evocative about the magnificent 1968 Ferrari 365 GT shown below.  It ...