Down The Rabbit Hole: Vespa Adventures' Night Tour of Ho Chi Minh City

What traveller hasn't been given a "when you're in (insert pretty much any destination you've ever thought of going to), you must do / see / go to / eat at ..." recommendation, only to find the experience not nearly as great as the enthusiastic advice-giver made it out to be?  I have.  My lovely wife has, too.  As a result, we're often wary of the hot-tip, must-do experiences that we're not infrequently told we really, really should try.

So what was it about night-touring through bustling Ho Chi Minh City, in Vietnam's south, on the back of a vintage Vespa motor scooter that piqued our interest?  Dear Wife wasn't keen (ten days already spent in the country was enough to convince us that Vietnam's chaotic traffic was well beyond our understanding, let alone our ability to participate in and survive its apparent madness and sheer volume).  She's not a big fan of two-wheeled conveyances, either!    

Photo supplied:  Vespa Adventures

Photo supplied:  Vespa Adventures

"Tracey and Mark enjoyed it," I ventured, hoping that reference to our similar-aged, relatively risk-averse - or at least not out and out irresponsible - friends' experience might make the idea a seem little less crazy.  "And it's not like it's something we get to do everyday," I added.  (What?  End up in a Vietnamese hospital, thousands of miles from home, with our travel insurance invalidated?, I thought, strictly to myself!). 

What happened to the other half?

Photo supplied:  Vespa Adventures

Maybe invoking a sense of adventure is what sold the idea; perhaps it was the need to get in an amongst the seething torrent of scooter-riding locals, rather than seeing the city from the comfort of a car or the relative safety of the footpath, that clinched the deal?  Either way, we made a call to Vespa Adventures' head office, chatted with a friendly and efficient staff member, and booked our trip down the rabbit hole.  And what a trip it was! 

Photo supplied:  Vespa Adventures

The evening's festivities began when our riders - Easy and Thuan - arrived at our hotel, introduced themselves and fitted us with our helmets, before we mounted our trusty steeds and headed into the swirling maelstrom that is Ho Ch Minh City's evening peak hour traffic, en route to Vespa Adventures' HQ in an adjacent district.  It didn't take long to realise that Easy and Thuan were well up to the task at hand, expertly guiding their vintage machines in and through the seemingly random flows of mainly Japanese-made scooters, shifting gears and subtly positioning us here and there to avoid collisions and glide effortlessly to our destination.

The fun kicked-off properly when we reached Vespa Adventures' funky Vespa-themed cafe / bar, where we met our effervescent guide, Vi.  We were quickly handed a couple of beers, offered a seat and given some tasty Vietnamese street-style snacks -  the first round of what was to be a very full night of dining experiences!

Thuan and Vi.  Photo supplied:  Vespa Adventures

Vi turned out to be a bit of a card and soon had us laughing with her tales of malapropism, especially when she explained that early in her career, she regularly mistook the English pronunciation of peanuts for that of penis.  Peanuts often feature in Vietnamese cuisine.  Poor Vi!   

Vi, Dear Wife and Easy.  Photo supplied:  Vespa Adventures

The tour is cleverly sequenced and choreographed so that all thirty or so participants, on their thirty or so Vespas, set out from the cafe in smaller groups of two, three or four, and are met at the various local eateries by their individual guides and the photographer that records the evening as part of the package.  This ensures that you feel like you're nearly the only guests, as there are rarely more than one or two other groups in any of the venues at any one time and, more often than not, they're heading out as you're heading in.  

Photo supplied:  Vespa Adventures

As you might imagine, this level of logistical sophistication requires a big, well-practiced team.  VA has been operating since 2007 and now has a fleet of 500 Vespas across Vietnam - and in Cambodia, too - with 300 of them in Ho Chi Min City, plus a staff of approximately 500.  There are riders, guides, photographers, booking staff and mechanics, plus many, many more people - singers and musicians, even - employed in the restaurants, cafes and bars that form part of the tour.  

Photo supplied:  Vespa Adventures

And while we're on the topic of venues and food, it's worth noting that VA takes you to genuine local eateries where - a few fellow tour participants aside - the other diners are locals eating and drinking what locals eat and drink.  There are no accommodations made for non-Vietnamese tastes; the menu is authentic, right down to "jumping chicken" (think about it ... !) and it's all washed down with excellent Vietnamese beers like Huda and 333 that are at their best as an accompaniment to spicy Asian cuisine. 

Vi, Dear Wife and the author not wearing that siilly looking helmet.  Photo supplied:  Vespa Adventures

The food was good!  Seriously good - as high a standard as, if not better than - many of the more fancied restaurants', notwithstanding that they were often down narrow laneways off back streets in areas that an average tourist might not usually frequent.

They had atmosphere, too; there were plastic seats, low tables and lots of hustle and bustle.  We ate delicious seafood in an area that used to be frequented by gangsters.  "Was there still crime?", I asked Vi.  "Not no crime," she suggested with a grin; "maybe just less crime."   

Photo supplied:  Vespa Adventures

And so the night proceeded.  Eat, drink and laugh.  Back onto the Vespas, their fart-in-a-tin-can exhausts the backing track for an accompaniment of ever-beeping scooter horns as we swirled and eddied through the night traffic, lit here and there by garish LED signs, LCD screens and the reflections of red, amber and green traffic lights on the wet streets.  Arrive at the next venue, Vi having magically appeared in time to have beers waiting and more tasty food ordered ... .  

Photo supplied:  Vespa Adventures

Next stop: a family-run pancake restaurant with mouth-wateringly good crispy-style pancakes being cooked in an open kitchen, woks sizzling as flames spat and course after course arrived at our table.  As frantic as the service was, as seemingly rushed as the scurrying staff were, there was a pride in the cuisine that saw waiters take the time to explain what fillings were in each subsequent wave of pancakes and to even assist we hapless Aussies to contruct our meals!        

Photo supplied:  Vespa Adventures

Part two of the adventure took a surreal twist when, bellies full, we found ourselves in a cosy, softly-lit Parisian-style salon listening to a sultry female singer's renditions of Sinatra and Doris Day standards, backed by piano and violin.  The atmosphere was subdued - almost secretive - a feeling possibly enhanced by the back alley venue in what may have been one of Ho Chi Min's less salubrious districts. 

It was an intimate gathering of strangers, all of whom were sharing the rabbit hole experience.  A song was performed for Sue and Tracey in celebration of their honeymoon, accompanied by warm congratulations from the audience, and polite applause greeted the news of an Australian couple's 25th wedding anniversary. 

Arriving at the final venue of the night - a post-apocalyptic rock 'n' roll bar thats entrance was decorated with wrecked motorcycles and a Mad Max-styled VW Beetle crushed against a wall - was just as surprising as the salon setting that preceded it.  It took me right back to my 1980s' youth; the low ceilings, dim lighting, rough brick walls and proper urine-soaked toilet floors were reminiscent of many an Australian live music dive where I'd drunk too much beer and caused permanent damage to my hearing.  Heaven!  

The band was well up to the task, too!  A smokey-voiced lead singer and guitarist nailed his Credence Clearwater Revival, Eric Clapton and Eagles' covers with aplomb, delivered with a real stage presence.  The bass player's studied disinterest was very, very rock 'n' roll, while the rhythm section channelled Joan Jett, Pat Benetar and Adalita to perfection. 

A second singer - younger, brasher but clearly popular with local members of the audience - delivered a fall-flat comedy routine before redeeming himself with a fast-paced, energy-filled set that had the whole joint rockin'.  It could've been anywhere - London, Paris, Munich or just good old Melbourne, Sydney or Hobart's long-gone Red Lion Tavern - proving that rock 'n' roll is a universal language! 

A few more beers, another couple of sets and then, sadly, the evening had to come to an end.  We headed back to our hotel, relaxed and happy, savouring what had by then become the comforting drone of our little Italian scooters' exhausts, emerging from the rabbit hole and wondering if the night could have been any curiouser.  

Alastair Watson as

U M P H

(uppermiddlepetrolhead.blogspot.com.au.)

This post was written entirely at the author's own instigation and was not paid for, or sponsored by, Vespa Adventures.

Photos either supplied by Vespa Adventures or taken on an iPhone.

For more information, please visit vespaadventures.com or call +84 1222 99 3585 (Vietnam) or +855 78 99 5455 (Cambodia).